additional notes: canon compliant, memory loss, light angst (maybe? i'm not sure of the genre of this bad boy), angst-adjacent, the boogeyman curse, bdubs' ep 1 the fic: murder and dramatics, murder, no beta we die like grian, i keep writing about bdubs despite only starting to watch him with this epidode, got me in a fucking vice grip, spoilers obviously
summary: and the weight of your crimes weighing on your mind
it’s an eye for an eye and we all go blind again
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The feeling of wanting, of needing to put an axe through Etho’s back leaves after a second, in its place a small itch, gently telling him that it's what needs to be done, that Etho won't be mad. He ignores it.
finished, 1/1 chapters, word count: 1,047
original author's beginning notes: LAST LIFE IS OUT!!!!! god im sick so i got to binge all of the episodes i wanted the day it came out and im obsessed already. i thought the boogeyman thing was a bit gimmicky at first but the fanfic potential has won me over. i wrote this in one sitting while watching ethos episode, so dont expect anything too good, alright?
fun fact; all of the spoken dialogue in this is straight from the video, fun right!
the title and first 2 lines in summary are from Whose eye is it anyway??? by Jhariah, check his music out, ive fallen in love with it
hope you enjoy, leave a comment, and have an amazing day!!
Bdubs nearly gasps when the words ‘You are the Boogeyman’ show up before him. He smiles down at Etho and he tries to sound convincing when he says that it's not him, but he feels the effect might have been dulled if the way the corners of his vision pulsed red for a second or the way he near instinctively gripped his axe was any indication.
The feeling of wanting, of needing to put an axe through Etho’s back leaves after a second, in its place a small itch, gently telling him that it's what needs to be done, that Etho won't be mad. He ignores it.
He goes down the tunnel and he jokes around and just as he's planning on leaving, desperate to not feel the ache of want, he hands Etho a piece of iron with a smile
“Just take this and make a shield, okay?”
And Etho laughs and thanks him, and doesn't stop to consider this action more until later.
(Why did he give me a shield? Why didn't he kill me? I mean, I'm happy and all but why? Whywhywhywhywhy-)
Bdubs just wants to know that if his will breaks, if he gives in, Etho will stand a shot. He doesn't want to kill his friend. He doesn't, he swears it.
So he just checks when he hears damage, just in case.
“There's people!” Etho laughs, “There's people, Bdubs!”
He smiles too, recognizes Skizz and Tango’s voices, and well, he never swore not kill anyone else, did he?
“Just bide your time and keep calm” He thinks, “They're already near, let them come to you.”
He tries not feel bad about thinking like that, after all, didn't he think the same way for far longer before? Didn't he feel this same way for weeks and weeks back on-
Back on where? Bdubs had never been anywhere other than here, never in his memories. That was strange, though, wasn't it? He was fairly sure people didn't just spawn fully formed, and yet here they all were. Or maybe people did do that? He wasn't sure, and the others were talking loudly, and the air down here was dense and heavy, and the itch kept digging into his brain and-
What was he thinking about again?
Oh, yeah. Caving and murder. Whoops. Maybe being underground was messing with his head, he doesn't think he's always this scatterbrained.
So the day goes on, they loot a spawner, and mine, and Bdubs comes this close to both chopping Etho’s head off right there and then, and telling him what's going but then Etho tells him that he feels he's good and everything gets put on hold because Jesus, Etho really does trust him, huh?
Skizz and Tango get left behind, a real shame, he should have taken his shot now he needs to find someone else, and then they get found again, already with partly diamond gear, no way he'll be able to get them now, and Bdubs is starting to feel uncomfortable in his skin. He's twitching slightly and jumping at small noises and really, he's surprised Etho hasn't said anything yet, but maybe that's just because he's distracted with wasting diamonds and playing foreboding music.
Bdubs is proud that he didn't save the diamond to make a sword or an axe, and instead made a jukebox. It's small, but it's proof that he's in control. He knows what he's doing, and he isn't going to succumb to some stupid curse. So what if he makes a sword later. That's not the point.
No, instead he continues with what he was doing, and when Grian invites them to come to the enchanter with him, well. Why should he turn down such a generous offer?
(He can feel the itch digging in further, making his breath speed up and the grip on his sword be vice-like. It can feel what he's planning, and it begs for blood. He tells it to wait and it tells him that it's been so long. He keeps walking.)
He's standing at the enchanter and he feels adrenaline in his veins and he tells Etho to put the record in.
Grian hears the explanation behind the record and smiles, “Guys, please tell me one of you is the Boogeyman so you can make this happen!”
Bdubs grins right back, “You're correct!” and he lunges, letting the itch turn into a roar of static that drowns out everything else but the begs for a life taken.
He feels his mind clear as Grian respawns meters away, swaying and shaking as he gathers his things again. He pretends that he doesn't feel hurt as Etho backs away from him every time he turns to face him, because it's a valid concern, really, he did just kill someone.
(Not it's not, he didn't want this but he held back for so long, and he didn't want to feel that any longer than necessary.)
He says that he tried to make it quick for Grian, to soften the blow of feeling your blood dripping from someone else's sword, and feeling yourself fall apart into a million pieces just to respawn. He talks about his plan and what happened and tries to feel like he doesn't still taste blood on his tongue, like Grian’s blood isn't still under his fingernails.
When Grian asks Etho if he still trusts him after that, his heart skips a beat and he hopes that he didnt just ruin the very thing he tried so desperately to keep alive.
“I trust him wholeheartedly now, I gave him every chance and he didn't take it.” His voice is laced with some confusion, but if Bdubs hadn't just got rid of the curse, he would have said that that was the greatest sense of relief he's ever felt in his life.
He still tries to deny it, though. Obviously. He needs to have a reputation as someone who's smart and deadly and knows when to pick his battles, not as someone who wouldn't have been able to live with taking the life of his only ally.
Even when Grian tells him he's on his list, Bdubs can't bring himself to feel very regretful. He did what he had to do after all.
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